


Nine Hours (And Several Endings)

by FrangipaniFlower



Category: Homeland
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Smut, Fun, Loss, Love, Multiple Endings, Reunion, Tragic Romance, after s4, one night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 06:59:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6460351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrangipaniFlower/pseuds/FrangipaniFlower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carrie and Quinn meet again, 2.5 years after their parting after Frank's wake. Written in response to the prompt "2.5 years later" on http://carrie-quinn.livejournal.com/96908.html</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Laure001](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laure001/gifts).



> As many of you know there is a wonderful LiveJournal community (http://carrie-quinn.livejournal.com) out there, discussing a lot of topics centered around Homeland in general and C/Q in particular. A few weeks ago a discussion there and in comments to one of the fics here started a conversation between Laure001 and myself about how to further develop our writing styles and to try something new. We agreed in a little bet, both of us simultaneously working on an approach we hadn't tried before.
> 
> My challenge was to write complex interactions between Carrie and Quinn only with dialogues, no explanations of their inner landscapes, no inner monologues, no description of actions or long longing looks, the only external voice allowed being a Dear Reader-narrator. We gave ourselves about two weeks and granted each other sneak peaks every couple of days, discussing the progress of our stories - and had so much fun!!! Honestly, we got a bit carried away by the fun we had, and poor Quinn has to face some tough shit in both stories because of that. As we post simultaneously tonight, check Laure's story if you are in the mood for a) a world premiere - smut written by Laure - and b) for Zombies.
> 
> We already gave each other the next prompt, so there is more to come...
> 
> My story is set post S4, as it was kicked of by the "2.5 years later" prompt by koalathebear. S5 never happened in this universe, and never will.
> 
> It's the story of Carrie and Quinn meeting again, 2.5 years after their kiss and his departure to Syria. One night and plenty of different outcomes. Isn't it sometimes facinating how the cause of events would alter if just one sentence had been said (or unsaid), if just one decision had been made (or made differently)?
> 
> Please forgive any mistakes, English is not my first language, and smaller inaccuracies in the plot, some smaller sacrificies had to be made to stick to the strict "only spoken words"-policy.
> 
> And...of course I'd like to know which outcome you like and why. And I'm wondering if anyone will root for the last chapter/ending...
> 
> Thank you, Laure, for your support and the fun we had.
> 
> And thanks to all the girls (I assume) from our LJ community, I have so much fun with you, your thoughtful insights, beautiful stories and our great discussions.

Dear Reader, I am sure you all know those proverbs, like 'Time flies', 'Time cures all things' or 'time and tide wait for no-one.' There is nothing wrong with these, only...they suck. But, certainly we all know time is absolute, but still I guess each and everyone has experienced that we perceive time differently depending on our mental state and the acitivities we are engaged with. 

Because time only flies when you are having a good time, whereas seconds stretch to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days and days to weeks, when you are not having such a good time. And time doesn't heal a thing, time can help to build up scar tissue, but scar tissue will always be either numb or oversensitive.

That only leaves time and tide, waiting for no-one...yeah, that one is true and no-one knew this better than Carrie Matthieson.

We cross our heroine's path in the waiting lounge of one of the most shittiest airports in the western world, Berlin-Tegel. It should be out of use for years now but the new airport is delayed, just a couple of years, not 700 years like that large cathedral in Cologne, so after some bad press nobody seems to care anymore in Germany. But, Tegel is crap, small, noisy, over-crowded...(and for sure no direct flight to D.C. but let's alter the circumstances for the sake of this story).

Carrie had been to Berlin for a job interview, kind of, she signed the contract right afterwards, she had left the CIA a good 15 months ago of which she had spent twelve with Frannie in Asia. Bustling cities, serene temples, beautiful beaches...finally finding some peace, her inner north and finally coming to terms with the fact that Peter Quinn had left now 2.5 years ago and probably wouldn't make himself seen to her eyes ever again. Well, time and tide... They had missed each other, because of the shittiest timing and now...scar tissue, which she was avoiding to touch. Probably he joined an emir's entourage and has access to the said emir's harem now and this is why he forgot...everything...even Dar does not know about his whereabouts, she has formed the habit to call him every now and then. Of course Dar doesn't admit, he is as mysterious as ever, but new all-zen Carrie is pretty sure he has no idea where is favourite toy is.

She had decided to move on, a painful process, after the first year of raw and pure grief. Not only about Quinn but first and foremost about Saul's betrayal as well.

Latest step on the ladder of moving on: Finding a new job, outside the intel world. She had met Otto Düring in Sukhothai, the ancient Thai capital, a couple of months ago, during an early morning visit at sunrise. Being the only western visitors at that early hour they had started a conversation about the sheer beauty of the ancient architecture and followed up on this over breakfast in a café a few hours later. They had travelled together north to Chiang Mai then, visited a few of the city's over 200 temples together and both had enjoyed the presence of a like-minded spirit. It had been on their last evening together, while having dinner on a busy street market, that he told her about his own background and she revealed some of her backstory. He had offered her the position as Head of Programme in the Middle East section of his foundation a few weeks later, in an email. This had brought her to Berlin now, a good six months later, after serious considerations and thinking.

Carrie has signed the contract and toured a couple of appartments and daycare centres with a relocation agent and met a few of her new colleagues.

Now she calls Maggie.

Dear Reader, we all know about the stable presence of Maggie in Carrie's life but honestly, her guilt- tripping is sometimes difficult to bear. So let's skip Maggie's part of this phone call and just listen to Carrie:

\- It's me.  
...  
-Yeah, it was great. I signed the contract, found an appartment and arranged for a nice bilingual kindergarden.  
...  
-I am absolutely sure it's the right thing. Beside you guys there's nothing left for me in DC, I am just done, I told you. This is the fresh start, Frannie and I need. And Otto's foundation is doing amazing things.  
...  
-Oh, not just Otto. One of his colleagues joined the interview. A lawyer. Nice guy, by the way, specialized in human rights law.  
....  
-Nah, too soft, kind of boring, I guess. More vanilla cookie than bittersweet chocolate. But he was nice, nice in a way of having a drink with collegues after work. Kind of the guy who marries his highschool sweetheart.  
...  
-Yep, sorry, didn't mean that as an offence, indeed, like you and Bill...No, there is indeed nothing wrong with it.  
...  
-I AM moving ON, this is EXACTLY what I'm doing. For once NOT hooking up with the next best unavailable man could be seen as healthy choice.  
...  
-No, for fuck's sake, of course NOT. He's my boss and he's gay. Listen, I gotta go, boarding starts soon, I'll see you tomorrow.

Dear Reader, see, guilt-tripping...  
Carrie's next call goes to a number she now knows by heart, even if she is not CIA anymore since more than a year now. This is interesting, so we listen to both sides of the Atlantic.

-Carrie...is it already a month?

*Dar...it is.

-You know, my answer is always the same, like in the thirtysomething conversations we had about this before.

*Just tell me.

-He's black ops, you are not even CIA anymore, I won't tell you anything, even if I knew his whereabouts.

*So you don't know where he is?

-I didn't say that.

*I'll call you next months again.

-I know. Groundhog Day...

*Just tell me, and it's over.

-Bye, Carrie.

[Boarding begins, next scene is business class, left side, two seats, one is Carrie's, the other one empty.]

-Mrs Mathison, welcome on board. I am sorry but may we ask for a favour? We just learnt that the passenger next to you is injured, broken leg with a cast. We figured, it might be easier for him to sit in the aisle seat. Would you mind moving over to the window seat?

-Not at all. Listen, I could sit somewhere else, if he has someone travelling with him.

-That's very kind. But not necessary. His travelling alone and we are fully booked anyway. Can I get you anything? A glass of champagne?

-Yes, please. And one of these eyemasks please?

-Otto, it's Carrie. Yeah, I just boarded, will switch off the phone soon. I just wanted to let you know how glad I am, I am looking forward to work with you. (...) I'll see you in four weeks then. (...) Oh, I'll have a nap now, with one of these embarrassing eyemasks, still jetlagged from coming over here, maybe a movie later. My seat neighbor is not here yet but apparently has a broken leg, I just hope is quiet and drugged up to painfree (...) Yeah, talk to you soon. Bye.

Dear Reader, we don't know what Carrie thinks, we only can watch and listen. But her three phone calls tell us a) her relationship to her sister didn't change at all, b) she hasn't forgotten Quinn and c) she moved on, she really did, she's at the verge to a new chapter in her life. But before the new chapter starts, she is ready for a nap, for dramatic reasons with an eye mask.

[The flight attendant assists the last passenger]

-Sir, can I help you? Your seat's over here, we've changed seats with your neighbor so you have an aisle seat now. Wait, let me hold these for you, I'll store them right over here, just let me know in case you need them or anything else. Please feel free to adjust the leg rest right now, that's ok. I'll put your bag over here. I just need to lock the doors, we'll start right away, but just let my colleagues or me know if there's anything you need.

[The new passenger fumbles a phone out of his pocket, dials and starts to speak, while the doors are locked and the plane pulls back]

-It's me. I'm back. [Carrie freezes at the sound of the gravely, low voice]  
...  
-I'll tell you state-side.  
...  
-It's called self-extraction for a reason.  
...  
-I know it's been more than two years. I've been there and no, time didn't fucking fly.  
...  
-I gotta finish, I am on the plane right now.  
...  
-I confirm: Debrief's tomorrow, 8pm, your office. See you then.

[Phone's off, he leans back with a groan]

Dear Reader, yep, you're right, it's our favourite assassin, our household knight, and remember the considerations about the concept of time at the beginning of this chapter? Well, same here: Time didn't fly and time didn't wait for Quinn either. And for the tide, well, there wasn't a shore where he spent the majority of the last 2.5 years.

-Quinn?

No reaction.

-Quinn?

*What the f...? 

-I...

*What the fucking fuck are you doing here?

-Uhm, flying home? But, much better question: What are you doing here? And don't try to bullshit me, I heard you speaking with Dar.

*None of your business.

-I just spoke with him, like 20 minutes ago, about you. I know, he had no fucking clue about your whereabouts, tell me where you were. And what happened to you?

*You know what? I'm not doing this for nine fucking hours now, I'll change plane.

-You can't. We're just about to take off. As it happens you're stuck with me. Maybe we start over again. I say: Oh, Peter, what a nice surprise, long time no see. And you say: Carrie, I'm glad to see you, how are you? And then I say: Asshole, where have you been?

Dear Reader, I guess you noticed - Carrie has changed, yes, but the word "asshole" in that question, about 90 seconds in a conversation, yeah, so much about "moving on"...

*This can't be true. How many connections are there to D.C. a day? Like 15? 

-Tough shit. Better come to terms with it. You are stuck with me. Last time I saw you, you wanted a lifetime, so now you'll somehow survive nine hours.

*[silence]

-Ok, I'll start. I had a job interview, or actually I signed a contract.

*So you're out?

-I am, since 15 months.

*Good. How's Frannie?

Dear Reader, did you notice? His blockade lasted exactly three minutes and then he cares again, or maybe still? 

-Good. We travelled a lot last year, spent a year in Asia.

*Like vacation? Or work?

-No, as I said, I'm out. An extented vacation, a sabbatical. I needed a break. Some quality time with her, some new inspiration.

*A break from what?

-From my life, I guess. From the clusterfuck it became after Islamabad.

*[silence]

-You could ask, where did you go? And then I would answer, oh, different places, mostly Thailand, some time in Laos and Cambodia and a short time in Burma, but mostly Thailand.

* What, if I don't care?

-Oh, you want to hear more about Thailand? No, not only beaches, actually a lot of temples too. And we stayed four weeks on a farm in the mountains, northern Thailand. They grew coffee and bananas. Beautiful landscape, lush green, cool nights, misty mornings, paradise. If only the rooster slept longer than 4 am.

* Could you please just shut up?

-Yeah, buddhism. I found that interesting too. Actually I read a lot about, while we were there. I like their concept about life and death and re-entering life.  
It's all about karma, let's call it karma-points, like if you have enough good points you can be re-enter the world as, I don't know, tree maybe? 

*I had no idea about you seeing the universe being a computer game. So what level I am in? Like minus 200? And can CIA agents ever get better than, well, like minus 50? Does anything justify what we do? This is stupid and even if I have to admit I have no idea about the philiosophy of buddhism, I am pretty sure you are simplifying here a bit too much.

-And if you don't have enough points or loose too many points, you re-enter as maybe a cockrouche.

*So, one can't just die and that's it? One has to come back? Again and again?

-Or maybe in a former life you already have been one of these or quite the other way around, have already been a higher form of being and failed and that's why we are what we are now.

*Your very own version of the circle of life.

-I had no idea, you like Elton John. 

Dear Reader, if Quinn just had given her a quizzical look here or asked 'what the fuck are you talking about?', he'd probably been of the hook. But hesitated and she saw the slightest bit of embarrasment in his eyes.

-Hah, you've been to Lion King, when and where? And Quinn, this is so not cool.

*Astrid likes musicals.

-A reason more, not to like her. But, the assassin has a heart after all. Kind of sappy.

*You won't get karma-points for being evil.

-But you know, in Thailand I got pretty confident, you are not dead. You were still part of the ciiiircle of liiiiife...and some have to live with the scars...

[Quinn didn't notice the quote, but obviously Carrie knew the song very well...]

*Did a cockrouch tell you, she's my reborn pathetic self?

-No, you didn't feel dead. 

*How's that? 

\- Brody feels like dead-dead. 

*Well, as far as I was told, you watched him dying. Easy to believe then, he is actually dead.

-My dad feels like angel on my shoulder-dead, like he's still watching me from above.

*This is very un-buddhistic and un-karma, and by the way, you saw his dead corpse, you were at his funeral.

-You felt only like half-dead, so I knew you were still around.

*Well, thank you, so I'm the Zombie in your fantasies?

-Don't flatter yourself, I have no fantasies about you.

Dear reader, see, technically she is not lying because the days she had fantasies about him were long gone, time waits for no-one, again, but she still has dreams about him, or more to the point nightmares, every now and then, seeing painful details of what might had happened to him. That, or, similar painful: emir's entourage, harem, hundreds of beautiful women just waiting for...yeah see...similar painful.

*So, what you don't allow, is just not happening. As long as you don't acknowledge I am gone, I am not gone? So even with that you think you just need to make a fucking decision and I follow your order? How convenient.

-Well, you seem pretty much alive now. So it worked.

*Define 'alive'.

-Breathing, thinking, talking, feeling...

*See, I am not 'alive', I am...I don't know, functioning.

-That's bullshit. You breathe, I see your chest moving.

*You have no idea, Carrie, you just have no fucking idea....

-No, I don't. Why don't you just tell me?

*[silence]

-All those years. Was there someone special? Someone who cared?

*There was someone, every now and then.

-I thought so. Is that the reason why you never called, never let me know you were still alive?

*No.

-Then why didn't you? That was cruel. I never got closure, no death reported, no 'forget about me'.

*I know. 

-Answer my question.

*There is no answer. Shame, fear, anger, numbness - pick the one you prefer. Doesn't matter.

-Anger? You were angry with me? 

*Maybe. I don't remember. Interesting choice though. Very telling.

-Why was that?

*I don't remember.

-Why, the fuck why?

*You never saw me. You never saw my needs. It was always about you. You left when I needed you most.

-Wow. So it's all my fault. Great. You hung me out dry, after more or less proposing, fucking disappear for more than two years. And it's my fault. 

*Well, listen to yourself. You wanna call it "proposing". Fine for me, although I wouldn't choose that word. But, it means something big, something serious. And I was serious. And for me it was huge. And the next morning, you were gone. So who's hung out dry?

-I had stuff to do.

*So did I.

-I told you I'd be back soon.

*Well, I didn't plan to come back.

-So you left to die?

*One of the side benefits of my job. Survival rate is less than 60% at best times, and even lesser if you...forget some precautions.

-But you're still here.

*Yeah, that sucks, I know. - So, tell me, was there someone special for you? Or wait, doesn't have to be that special, I remember now.

Dear Reader, poor Carrie, how to answer? First and foremost: Quinn is an ass right here. Lashes out, aims to hurt. The question alone deserves shooting. But, new Carrie is all zen...  
And then: Embarrasingly enough, there hadn't been anyone special. More to the point, there had been no-one. I know, so much about moving on...she had tried, she really had. Not in the first year, that had been all about hope, then despair, then grief, and then depression. But afterwards, she had tried, twice, random choices. She had left Number 1's appartment, more or less naked, all her clothes under one arm, she just couldn't do it. Number 2 had been kissing, licking and fucking her and she...had felt nothing...scar-tissue...just numb. Too pathetic to admit now. And then, Asia. Well, half of the men she met there were at least 5 inches smaller and not interested in taller, blond women. And the other half came to Asia looking for 'love', yes, that's what they say, but not with a well-educated western woman but...you all know, why those guys travel to Asia, Thailand especially, and what they look like and what they search. Bah, disgusting.  
And then there had been one evening with Otto in Chiang Mai, beautiful hotel, lovely restaurant, great food, some cocktails, Frannie in bed and Carrie had been just about to go into seduction mood, because she thought it's about time, and he's the next best guy available, and he's not too bad, when Otto casually had mentioned, he was gay. Probably he had noticed what was going to happen, and had been gentleman enough to spare both of them the embarrasment. They never commented on that scene ever again. See, embarrassing, too.

But, even the question was designed to be mean and hurt - and hit its target - we shouldn't be too angry with Quinn. He has been pretty much deep down in the rabbit hole for a terrible long time, seen and done unthinkable cruelties, and now, just back to the surface of humanity, forced to face what regrets more than anything else. That's tough shit, too. And, he's injured, and in pain. And Carrie can be a pain in the ass, let's not forget that.

But back to Carrie who is still trying to digest his question, or let's face it, deliberate insult. She is hurt, such a long time, so much grief, and now she has her answer, it's a giant "Fuck you", he is still angry, and mean, and she decides not to give him that triumph and not to answer at all. Conversation is over.

-[silence]

*Great. We are done with this cheerful reunion. I'm glad you got it. Have a good flight.

-[silence]

Dear Reader, this is not going well. Somehow she had expected he would ask again, nicer, or apologize, but now he seemed satisfied with her silence. But as we know Carrie, she can't change direction now and honestly, what do you answer to that question anyway, with all the baggage of that one night under the stars and Islamabad and Brody and...

*[groans and curses under his breath] Fuck...[presses the button for the flight attendant and asks her for the medical kit from his bag, fumbles around with several items out of that small bag]

-You're on meds?

*Oh, I thought, we're done here. 

-Are you hurt?

*Jesus, Carrie, obviously. Look at my cast."

-But you wouldn't take morphine just for a broken leg.

*No, probably not.

-What happened?

*If I were you, I wouldn't care.

-You know, morphine is far more effective and faster when you inject it instead of just swallow it down.

*I fucking know. But I can't do it myself.

-Do you have injection needles? I can help you.

*Yeah, it's all in here. Here, take the whole set. 

Dear Reader, we all know, this is a sign how bad it is, don't we? He accepted her assistance far too easily.

-How come, you were allowed to bring them here?

*BND arranged permission.

-Of course. BND arranged. Fucking means Astrid arranged. And that's why you fly out of Berlin and not Frankfurt or why you came to Germany in the first place. So much about "someone special".

*Carrie, I'm done talking, this is none of your business. Can I get my shot now? Or just give it back.

-You know what? Actually, you won't get your shot now. Not until some serious talking has happened. You owe me some answers.

*Carrie, give it back.

-No.

*Carrie, I mean it. Give it fucking back.

-Nope. We talk, and then you can have it back.

*You know I can get you to...surrender...

-Seriously? I know you can but certainly not in a plane, civil plane. You go for my throat here, you have two airmarshalls restraining you in no time and a law suit. So, let's call it the night of truth telling.

*No.

-No? Your fucking choice. Well, I'll watch a movie now. Let me know if you change your mind. Oh, even better, they have tons of episodes of "Walking Dead", you should watch these too...kind of suits you. Oh, and "Dead Man Walking", a classic. 

Dear Reader, what do you think? Evil? A classic Carrie-move? Selfish? Ridiculous? Or are you in Camp Carrie? Thinking, she deserves an answer? And understand, she is just desperate? Because, if she's not getting an answer tonight, she'll never get it. As soon as they are on american soil, he'll vanish and make sure to never make himself seen again, at least not to her. And: He really was mean, which is very much not his usual style.

Carrie leans back, pretends to watch a Zombie show, but we know her better, of course she keeps an eye on Quinn. He just sits and stares at his black monitor, somehow he is not interested in Zombie shows or classic movies. In the beginning, nothing happens, because remember, Carrie sits next to the master of fucking self-control. Twice he orders a drink, whisky, no ice. Then, it slowly begins. He shifts his weight into different positions in the seat, adjusts the seat several times, she sees his jaw clenching when he moves his leg...

-Your choice...just saying...

*Just go the fuck away.

-I can't. Your blocking my way. And, we are in a fully booked plane. Just saying, your choice. And, I'm halfway through the second episode, I have to finish that first. You think, they've peanuts here?

*Sure. And tomatoe juice. Just stop and leave me for fuck's sake alone.

Dear Reader, you think, she should help him. But Carrie is not always one for rational choices. We know that. But she is not intending to be mean here, just...it's hard for her to leave a path once she chose it, I guess, that's what it is. But still, she caves first, just a fraction of a second, but she caves before him. She is so not watching TV, and she couldn't care less for snacks. But she notices the sheen of sweat on his face, she sees when the shivering starts and she is aware when his hands start to tremble. And who could see Carrie right now, could exactly pinpoint the moment she realizes.

-Jesus, Quinn, what the fuck, since when? [same moment, maybe half a second later, with a heavy, heart wrenching sigh:* please]

[dense silence for a few seconds]

*Don't know. Couple of weeks, no, maybe six months, I guess. Didn't track.

-How often?

*Three, sometimes four a day. On bad days, maybe five.

-Shit, Quinn, this is bad.

*I know.

-Stretch out, turn around. Wait, let me close the curtain. Do you have alcohol swaps in your dope-kit? Ah, found them.

*What do you wanna know?

-Wait, let me finish this first. Hope, it doesn't hurt.

*Can't get worse anyway.

-There you go. You should feel better soon, 20 minutes tops. But you need to get off these. Drug addiction...

*Carrie, I fucking know, I know all of this. I will, stateside.

-Didn't Astrid tell you any of this?

*She doesn't know.

-But got you new supplies? The labels are German.

*She thinks, it's just for the pain.

-How did you talk her into getting enough of it then for four shots a day? Ah, wait, don't tell me.

*[chuckles briefly] No, not that...She didn't get me enough. I broke into a pharmacy couple of nights ago.

-That's pathetic.

*No need to mention it, I know.

Dear Reader, let's take a moment here. Carrie just got the injection into Quinns hip, oddly intimate, given the history of those two. He lays on his business class seat, which is a bed right now, two metres long, long enough even for a tall man like Quinn. Carrie still kneels beside his seat, her hand with the injection rested on his leg for quite a few moments. But when he mentioned robbing a pharmacy, it slipped into his hand, at its own will and his hand closed around the small white hand, at its own will too. Probably they haven't even noticed yet. He still is in pain, you'd see this if you could see him, and Carrie notices it, for sure. And it's hard to keep being angry when he is down. She never saw him weak, you know. Even that one night, 2.5 years ago he had appeared strong, self-assured, like he knew what he was doing.

-Why did you leave? Why did you never call me?

-That's two questions.

-You can merge the answer to one. Just fucking answer. 

*I told you why. You never saw me.

-I saw you that night. 

*And then you left.

-Like you did not the same.

*Because there were only those two choices. Either you or that.

-Why didn't you wait for my answer then?

*I heard your answer, when I called you. It was a no.

-No, yes. I mean "It wasn't a no, it was a yes." I was back the next morning.

*Fuck, Carrie.

-I know. 

Dear Reader, a business class seat is usually much wider as the one passenger seated on it would require. Quinn is tall and slender, thinner as usual, and Carrie is small and very slender, so they could lay on the bed next to each other. But, even with Quinn's guard down, they are not there yet.


	2. The Ending with Sane, Responsible, Communicating Adults

Dear Reader, what Carrie does not know yet, a drugged up Quinn is an almost sweet Quinn, allowing himself to give in to the longing for tenderness, care and being loved. We know this because of CF S5, but of course none this has never happened in this universe here. So Carrie has no way of knowing. And we know 'the letter', she doesn't, the l-word was never spoken (read) between those two, the letter is still sealed in Dar's drawer (which is not the safest place for such a letter anyway). Yeah, and we know about the nine days and bonkering with Jonas while Quinn fighting for his very life and the last scene in 5.12...let's just not talk about it...again, never happened in this universe. But, still, do you agree with me, Carrie owes us? And Quinn, of course. So, let's give her another chance, right, again with a morphine-loaded Quinn, that started promising in that other universe too. No gut-shot but used to the constant use of morphine lead to a conscious Quinn, who's not passing out and very aware of his surroundings.  
But he is miserable. As he's lying there and she is kneeling next to him, holding his hand, she can see how exhausted he is, deep lines around his eyes, dark shadows under the eyes, and hollows under his cheekbones. A vulnerable Quinn is new to Carrie.

And while she sits there, about four hours into their flight, she decides it's indeed the night of truth telling, worst which can happen is him returning to being mean iceman, and that's an answer too. But this might be the last time she sees him and she needs some answers, if only for closure. And he maybe, too, "you never saw me" still heavily lingering between them. You see, all-zen Carrie is a matured version of her former self.

She still holds his hand, his trembling has eventually nearly stopped and his breathing is even now, his eyes are closed.

-Quinn?"

*Mmh....Carrie?! What are you doing?!

-Lying down next to you. Would you push back a bit? Thanks.

*Carrie...

-I'm not 20 anymore, I won't spend all night on my knees, while you are all glamour camping on your fancy seat.

*[sighs]

-Quinn, this might be the last time I ever see you. And last time, there was a lot, I never said. And I spent so much time to regret and to ask myself 'what if', I ain't doing that again.

*So, night of truth telling...

-Yeah, night of truth telling. You got your shot, and now we both get the truth. 

*Well, then...

-I lied to you earlier. My answer wasn't a yes.

*Carrie, why the f...

-Wait. It wasn't a no either. It was a "I don't know but I want to try, with you, but please give me some space"

* Why didn't you tell me?

-Because I needed some time to realize myself. I thought a lot about it and I think I wasn't ready for you, then. But I wanted to try. And I tried to tell you, but you were gone. - Are you cold? You're shivering again. Wait, here's a blanket.

*I'm fine, Carrie. I've spent nights in worse places and I felt worse after previous shots.

-No, don't try to bullshit me. Blanket, here.

*When were you ready to tell me?

-The next day, I drove all night.

*So you missed me by hours...Fuck, Carrie.

-Now you. Why did you leave? After what you said the day before. Didn't you mean it?

* I meant it. I wanted it. But I heard a 'no' where I needed a strong 'yes'.

\- A 'maybe' wouldn't have been enough?

* No, I don't think so. But it would have been nice to know.

-You said, I never saw you.

*You didn't. Not me. People tend to see me as weapon or tool, I'm used to it...but with you...I wanted you to see me.

-I saw you the last day in Islamabad. And I saw you at my dad's wake. 

*Two days in more than two years.

-Fuck, Quinn, listening to you makes me feel like a selfish, heartless bitch. - Wait, let me put that cushion under your leg. - And countless days hoping you'd come back and or call.

*I knew I fucked it up when I left. I didn't lie when I named shame, fear, anger, numbness earlier, there is no easy answer. 

-Where were you all those years?

*Can't tell you much. Syria mostly. I went dark to...no, I can't tell... at least not before I reported it to Dar...Hey, you are cold. Come here.

Dear Reader, just very brief, I am whispering as not to disturb those two. But you should see them, they are lying on Quinn's seat and after she has covered him with a blanket a few minutes ago, he just pulled the said blanket over her as well. I'm not even sure if she is really feeling cold but it's a nice excuse. They are still holding hands and just now he pulls her to rest in the crook of his arm. These hours in this plane seem to be an own universe, a bubble of time and space, so I guess he feels confident enough to do it. There were times when this was all he could think about when he saw her, kind of conflicting for a badass black ops assassin, I guess, brutal war machine and heartbreaking tenderness don't pair well in that world. But now...

*Things went wrong down there. I did things to gather intel, infiltrated...somewhere...and I got...stuck...there. But I was lucky...or not, depends on how you see it...there was someone who cared enough to make sure I survived.

-A woman?

[emir, harem...]

*Yes.

-What did she do?

*Made sure I survived. Got fed, got medicine, got a crappy doctor who patched me up.

-Got morphine.

*That too.

-So it's been a lot longer than six months.

*Yeah, it is.

-Why did she do this? That was dangerous for her...

*What can I say. She liked me.

-I see...How come you're here now?

*I gathered intel which I need to report, so I tried to get away from...where I was, several times. I was successful, in the end, but got shot, in the leg, through the tibia. Nevertheleess I made it to Jordan, septic, once I arrived there. 

-So you started the morphine way before the leg.

*Yes...there were...other injuries before.

-Why didn't you call Dar from there to extract you?

*I couldn't allow any agency related person to see me like this. I was... I kind of have it under control now...I hadn't then.

-So that's where you relied on Astrid...

*She got me out, to Germany, two weeks ago.

-She is reliable...

*She is.

-If we hadn't met here, tonight, would you have called me, back to the States?

*I don't know. 

-So that is a 'no'.

*Probably.

Dear Reader, it's indeed the night of truth telling and sometimes she truth is indeed hard to swallow. But, she is still lying in his arm, and that kind of softens what he just said, because that is what is real, here and now.

-You look exhausted.

*I am. Although I slept nearly all the time in Germany.

-Sleep now.

*No, I...it's night of truth telling, isn't it?...so, no judgement, just the truth?

-Spit it out.

*I wouldn't want to miss a single moment of this night [squeezing her hand], I....there were so many nights when I wished I had that, in Islamabad and after I had left. 

-I could stay right here while you sleep.

*No, but you could take a nap if you want.

-No, same for me.

*That's...good to hear...You said, you signed a contract for a new job in Germany. What is it?

-A private foundation, running aid programmes mainly in the Middle East and Africa, and funding peace building projects, for instance they've been working for the post genocidal reconciliation in Rwanda for two decades now. I will be Head of Programme for the Middle Eastern section.

*Wow, that's great. So you're out-out. And still can use your knowledge...for good. When will you start?

-Soon, in four weeks.

*So they are having a branch in Washington?

-No. Frannie and I will move to Germany. I just fly back to arrange our move and get Frannie. I found a nice flat for the two of us and daycare for Frannie. 

*That's...huge, I guess. So, you'll leave the US...forever?

-I don't know. I signed for two years. Then Frannie will start school and I guess, up to then I'll make up my mind where she is going to start school.

*Makes sense. Although I never thought you'd plan two years ahead.

-I changed.

*I can see that. Are you going alone?

-I just told you, with Frannie.

*Nobody else involved?

-No.

*Why not?

-Remember, I'm crazy Carrie, so men maybe like to fuck me, but that's it. And even that...I changed.

Dear Reader, wow, Carrie really is serious anout this night of truth telling. But somehow, lying here with him, in the dark, 10.000 metres above the Atlantic, in his arm, it doesn't hurt so much like it usual does. And of course her proximity has an influence on him as well. The same it always had, he wants her to be safe, no, actually happy, and...he wants more of her. More than just this one night. It took just those few hours and he's back to this yearning. Or maybe it never stopped? We don't know what he thought about in those endless nights he spent alone or undercover or shot and injured. And maybe, just maybe...if he tells her now, worst thing to happen would be a "No" and about two more hours next to her in this plane and then he'll never see her again. Whereas he isn't sure if he could live with the lifetime regrets of another unused chance.

*You were never crazy Carrie to me. And I never wanted just to fuck you.

-But what did you want?

*A life, with you. 

-And now?

*Now? I am a black ops agent, who didn't report back for months, years, Dar will sure have an opinion about that, I am drug addicted and injured, I am not in the position of asking for anything, I guess. 

-I asked what you want, not what you are asking for. Want like in making a wish.

-Isn't that the same?

*No, and you know. I'll answer the same question, after you did.

-Still...being with you.

Dear Reader, here we are, he said it first, again, two hours before the night is over, before Dar will pick him up at Dulles, before their paths will part again, before she'll move into a new life and he'll go on another mission, and afterwards another and another, until he's finally dead. So, with all this in mind, it's understandable that he feels that sudden urge to tell her, one last time, while she is lying in his arm, somehow her head is on his chest now, his arm around her shoulder, her arm across his chest and the morphine dulls the pain and his fear of being rejected. And if she says "No" or laughs, he can blame the morphine haze and pretend to sleep. 

-Not as long as you are black ops.

*You are missing a few steps here.

-No, that is the first step. I can't have that in my life. You need to get out.

*But if I get out...

-You could come with us to Germany.

*And?

-Start a new life there. Out of the agency.

*What's your wish?

-I just told you.

*Me leaving black ops? That's it?

-No. Getting out, together. And then trying to build a life, together.

*No guarentees? No "yes" this time again?

-A "yes" in terms of "yes, I want to try and I really believe in it", is that enough?

*You are not driving to Missouri as soon as we're out of this plane?

-No. I'll go home and wait for you.

*I guess, Dar will keep me all night for debrief, maybe longer. And then I want to go to Walter Reed, I need to...

-Yeah, I know. Call me and I'll meet you there. I'll be with you, if you want that.

*No. This is going to be ugly. I don't want you to...witness that...

-I don't mind. But I understand. Then call me when you are done with Dar, I'll pick you up and drive you to Walter Reed, whenever that is.

*Good.

-Good.

Dear Reader, so it's established, they talked it out and there is even a good 90 minutes left of their night in the plane. Yes, you are right, they didn't kiss, didn't touch more than being wrapped around each other, the l-word hasn't been said and they didn't swear endless love. But in a way they promised even more. Not a fairy tale but real life, with all its challenges. That was exhausting. So it's not really surprising that Quinn's drifting into sleep, now, in his cozy spot, snuggling with Carrie. She notices, of course she does, and smiles a very sweet smile and just keeps holding him and then drifts off too. We let them rest, this was a tough night for both off them. While they are asleep, we do some eavesdropping with the flight attendants. They are serving breakfast now, business class first, row 1 is supposed to be served first. But...

"What? Why are you giggling? And why do you still have the trays?"

"Do you remember the cute blond who changed seats to make space for the damn attractive guy with cast and crutches?"

"Yes, of course. Sex on legs. Well, one leg."

"Well, she is in her original seat now..."

"Did she make him change again? Honestly, when I handed him is medical kit he seemed pretty close to swooning. Didn't think he could get up on his own."

"No, she didn't make him get up. She is lying next to him in his seat, holding him tight in her arms and they are both asleep."

"No, you are kidding..."

"No, come, have a look."

"Oh my god. How did she do this? How on earth did she do this?"

60 minutes later:

*Carrie...Carrie...

-Uhm...?

*We'll be landing soon. We need to wake up.

-Oh my god, you are real. 

*Of course I'm real. Fucked up, but real.

-So, this was all real...

*I fucking hope so. Because you talked me into leaving the CIA and moving to Berlin with you. If I were an asset, I'd say pretty good job in recruiting me and turning me around.

-All I said was true. Night of truth telling...

*And this is real as well.

Dear Reader, I know, I know, we all were waiting for it to happen. He is finally kissing her. And it's an excellent kiss, the one they need after that night, after those years, after what they just promised. A wordless promise.

*Just this one, ok? There will be more, if you want that, when I'm done with Dar and at Walter Reed. But I needed one to take with me.

-What's gonna happen now?

*I'll get pick up from the plane as soon as we are at the gangway. Dar will have arranged that. And I will call you, as soon as I can. You know that, do you? This time I will. 

-I know. So this is good-bye?

*Yeah, this is good-bye but not for long.

-Then I need one to take with me too. Just one.

Dear Reader, Carrie has to leave Quinn's seat now, so this is indeed good-bye until he will be done at Langley. But, this time...well, time gave those two a second chance. And they used it.

-I'll be with you as soon as you call me. This time, I will.

*I know. - Carrie, how many karma points does it cost you, to know about an assassin's misdeeds and not to condemn him?

-Probably all I have. But helping an assassin to get out and build a new life? To love and be loved? Who knows what I'll get for that.


	3. The Ending With All The Smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone of you ever try to write a sex scene just with dialogues? And a beta-reader who does not like the word "thrust"? Not that it works well in a dialogue anyway...
> 
> No? 
> 
> Well, I hadn't thought it through when I agreed to this, and it was indeed challenging...

Dear Reader, a business class seat is usually much wider as the one passenger seated on it would require. Quinn is tall and slender, thinner as usual, and Carrie is small and very slender, so they could lay on the bed next to each other. But, even with Quinn's guard down, they are not there yet.

-You are an ass for not waiting and for surviving the next 2.5 years without never ever giving me any chance for closure.

*It was planned as a short mission, just a couple of days. I thought, I'd be back soon and you too, and then we talk. I didn't plan to just leave like this.

-And when you realized it was more than a couple of days? When was that? Oh, suddenly more than two years have passed, uhm, better not to call her, she forgot about me anyway? 

*Kind of.

-Where were you?

*Syria.

-God, Quinn. Are you cold? Wait a second.

*What are you doing?!

-Lying down with you. You are shivering. Fucking morphine. If I had known the kind of trouble you'll get yourself in as soon as you are out of my sight...

*That's what I usually thought about you. The part with the trouble, not the one with the morphine.

Dear Reader, what Carrie does not know yet, a drugged up Quinn is an almost sweet Quinn, allowing himself to give in to the longing for tenderness, care and being loved. We know this because of CF S5, but of course none this has never happened in this universe here. So Carrie has no way of knowing. But she will learn, soon enough. She just has climbed his bed and carefully stretched herself next to him. He is indeed cold, morphine is a dangerous friend. When he shivers again, she softly wraps her arms around him and he leans into her warmth, embarrassingly eager, all guards down. His head rests on her shoulder. He is used to morphine, sadly enough, so he is not fainting, but drifting away, wrapping himself around her, craving for as much closeness as he can get. Carrie is a bit overwhelmed and waits for whatever might happen next. But, nor is she pushing him away neither is she getting up and away. Some minutes pass.

*Carrie...

-Quinn? You're awake again?

*I'm sorry. I just...

-What?

*I thought, I would never see you again.

-Well, you took pretty great care to make sure I can't reach you. Why?

*So are we completely honest and everything? Fuck.

-Yeah, one night, only the truth.

*But not answering is allowed, just actively lying is forbidden?

-Let's for once try to be completely honest. Not talking didn't work very well in the past.

Dear Reader, he weighs her answer for a while and she has made a point here. Not talking is what brought him, them, into the misery in the first place. He nearly died there. And honestly, what is the worst which could happen. It's just one night and if worst comes to worst, he will never have to see her again. So highest possible price to pay is a couple of hours of ultimate embarrasment. But if she hears him, this time, just maybe...at least she can't run away.

*I thought your answer was 'no' and I couldn't handle. I wanted you, I needed you, I put myself out there, twice actually, that night and the next day on phone, and you didn't give me the slightest straw to hold on to. And so I did what I always do. I went on the next mission.

-To get as far as possible away from me?

*No, that's just what I do. I'm a soldier, Carrie, I go to war and fight.

-Until you die.

*Until I die.

-And if I had said 'yes',you would have stopped.

*That's what I wanted, yes.

-I was back the next morning, I drove all night, I wanted to give you my answer.

*So you missed me by hours...But again, I had planned to be back after a short time, few weeks tops.

-You could have died, without me even knowing why you left.

*I left you a letter. If I died...

-What did it say?

Dear Reader, night of truth telling...but that was some letter, pretty dark and very...loaded...will he tell her what it said? Because...he hasn't been that truthful yet, the letter (which we know, but Carrie will now never see) was pretty clear in describing his expectation to die, on that very mission. 

*Doesn't matter now, I survived.

-So much about being completely honest and truthful.

*Wanna know what it should have said?

-Geez, Quinn, you're stubble is tickling my ear.

*You like that? Your hair is tickling me too.

Dear Reader, she does like it and she is very aware of his physical presence so close to her. 

-The letter...what should it have said?

* That I was a fool to drive away the night before. That I should not have left you there alone, under the trees. That I should have taken you with me or should have followed you to Missouri. That I at least should have used that one night to show you how I feel, whatever the future might bring.

-What did you feel?

*I loved you. And I should have told you, latest the day I went after Haqqani. And I wanted you. That night I should have taken you with me and made love to you.

-And because of your love-making I had said yes? Geez, you are still so full of yourself, aren't you?

*I am indeed not that bad, you have no idea...but that's not what I'm talking about. Not technically...I meant, I should have showed you how much you mean to me, how I feel. I'm not one for words, Carrie, I can only show you.

Dear Reader, you noticed, he just changed to present tense, did you?

*Carrie...what...uhm...Carrie...

-Quinn, what if this is the last time we ever spend together? I don't want to regret again, this time for the rest of my life. These hours, here, in that plane, let's take them as a gift. Let's use them. We said this night is for the truth, so if that's what you wanted, let's do it, now. Show me.

*Carrie, we are not alone here...I...no, this is wrong...

-I thought, you wanted this...

*I do, but I wanted to show you. If you keep doing what you are doing down there, I'll be done in no time. Lay still, be quiet.

-Oh...oh, Quinn, this is...please, talk to me while you...I...want to hear your voice...whispering in my ear...

*Ssssh, ssssh, I know...see, I always wondered how your skin would feel, but I never dared to touch you. I was afraid I couldn't stop once I started. And that would have been...kind of embarrassing in the ops room, don't you think? I was afraid, you'd slap my face and kick me out. But now, when I caress your neck, it's even softer as I ever could imagine.

-Don't stop...

*I won't, I can't...I wanted to know how your breast would feel under my palm, how your nipples get hard when I rub them like now and what size they have...and what sounds I get when I pinch them...yeah, I see how you like that...that sweet moan...I was obsessed by you...I wanted to strangle you and cradle you in my arms, I wanted to make love to you, more tender than anyone ever before, and I wanted to fuck your brain out...all at the same day...

-I want that...all of that...

*Did you ever think about how it would be, how it would feel to be with me?

Dear Reader, huh, he really pushes his luck with this only truthtelling thing here...but I'll be quiet now.

-I did...of course I did...but you never showed me that you want me...oh my god, Quinn, what are you...

*I wish I could undress you, now, kiss and lick every inch of your skin, smell you, taste you, Carrie, you don't know how many nights I spent yearning for this, for you. All those nights alone, in Islamabad, in Syria, here...there wasn't a single night I went to sleep without seeing your face, thinking of you. You didn't see me then, but I want you to look at me now, look at me, look into my eyes.

-Oh God, Quinn, I had no idea, I had no idea...but I wanted this, I want you, now, please, another finger, faster...oh my god...

*ssssh, be quiet...although I'd love to hear you scream...for me...only for me...I always wondered how tight you'd feel...around my fingers, around my cock...aaaw, Carrie, so soft, so wet, I wished it weren't not just my fingers...fucking you...I wished, we had more time, a bed, and I could make love to you, all night long...there would be no rush...I would kiss, caress and hold you for hours before I even come close to your pussy...you'd melt in my arms and forget everything else but me, us, being together...I would enter you slowly, so gentle, and fill you with my cock, burying myself into you and fuck you until you scream. And afterwards I would hold you, hear your breathing, and you'd fall asleep in my arms...This time, it's just my fingers, making you so wet, next time, it's gonna be...can you feel how hard I am? For you? Can you imagine how much I want to fuck you? 

Dear Reader, just one second: He's talking about a next time?!

-Don't slow down, don't stop now, please make me come.

*Tell me how you wanted me and I'll please you.

-I still want you. Remember the night when Javadi had me kidnapped? When you said you were at a safe distance? That night I wanted you to be closer, to be with me, in my bed, to hold me, fuck me, protect me. I wanted to take your prick in my mouth, suck you, swallow you and bite you. And I wanted you to be the one tearing my clothes apart. 

*Tell me more.

-Islamabad...when you went after Haqqani...all I could think, I can't loose you...I can't loose you, not without telling you how much I...not without ever showing you what you mean to me...the day I talked Saul back into the hands of the Taliban...I wished you had come to me that night to hold me and to fuck me senseless...against the wall or on my knees...taking me from behind...making me forget everything else...

*Oh, I'd love to do this...More. I need to hear more. Because I know you want more right now. I'll please you, soon, I'll make you come, I promise...

-When I saw you outside that church, part of me wished you came to take me away, bring me somewhere else, undress me, and make love to me. Reawakening me from the numbness I felt, kissing me back to life, holding me through my grief.

*You should have told me, then...Don't close your eyes, don't look away. Come for me, I want to see you coming. Can you do this for me?

-I'm almost there...Faster...Quinn...faster...oh my god...yes...oh...

*There...you are so beautiful...so fucking beautiful...and you feel so good...and you are so fucking wet...I wished it weren't just my fingers...ssssh...ssssh....I know...I know, this is what you like...Carrie...oh my God, Carrie...

-Hold me, just hold me tight...please hold me...Quinn...

*Ssh, ssh, it's okay, I'm here, I won't go away, this time I'll stay here...with you...just breathe...just breathe...I hold you...come closer...I hold you...

[silence]

-Quinn...

*I'm here. I'm all here.

-Good.

*Carrie...this is very bad for my self-control...

-There's no way we gonna stop here...I want to see you come apart...

*That's gonna happen very quickly, if you...

-Jesus, Quinn, how old are you, I am just rubbing you through your pants.

*That's just you. You do that to me. You have no idea how turned on I am because of touching you, playing with you, listening to you, have you? Knowing it was me who made you come, in my arms...uhm, Carrie, what...aaw...

-It's my turn to play now...and I want to know what your cock feels like...in my hand...how soft the skin...how hard...just let me...uhm, Quinn...that's...considerable...

*Oh my god, Carrie...please...this is...

-No, actually it's not.

*Carrie, what...why are you stopping? What's wrong?

-Don't look at me like this. You'll get what you deserve, soon, don't you worry.

*Call me relieved. But...?

-Not here. You think, you can manage to go to the bathroom?

*Do I like that wicked grin or am I afraid?

-You'll come to like it, I guess. Bathroom?

*Carrie...really...my leg is...

-I'll do all the work once we are there...you just enjoy...I want more of you than just this...

*Carrie, no guarantees if you don't stop immediatly.

-So, bathroom?

*I think I can. But I'll need my crutches. And I'm not going to ask the flight attendant to help me with this. I guess that would fall under sexual harrassment.

-Yeah, well, sweatpants don't really hide...

*I am sorry. But it's the only thing that works with the cast.

-Oh, I don't mind, they'll be gone soon anyway. But even better, I'll get your crutches and be the nice seat neighbor helping you to get to the bathroom, nobody will know what we are up to. I'll be back in a second.

*Carrie...close your blouse and cover that hickey.

-Oh. Yeah, thanks.

[...]

*What happens once we are there?

-What do you think what happens?

*I have an idea...but, I mean, I can't stand, not long enough to...

-No problem, you go in first and sit down and I'll...oh, no Quinn, come on...you're not going to tell me you never did that before? Quinn, look at me.

*This is embarrassing. I usually don't fly commercial. When I fly to assignments, it's either with my team or with Dar, and no, of course I haven't. Stop laughing.

-I am glad. Very glad. And I'll make it your worthwhile. Come on.

[...]

-Just go in, sit down, I'll follow as soon as the flight attendant is elsewhere. Put those crutches here, there's not much room in there.

[...]

-These go down now...And these too...just lean back and enjoy...I want to know what you feel like, in my hands...

*Carrie...

-...and in my mouth...I want you to come, now...for me...-you're not the only one with fantasies. I wanted to know how you'd feel, how soft the skin would feel in my hand...how hard you'd be...how you'd sound when you moan and beg for more...and right now, I am finding out...Quinn...

*Oh my god, Carrie...this is...your mouth, your tongue...you have no idea, how often in my fantasies I was imagening this, your mouth, engulfing my hardon, licking, sucking...yeah, like this...you on your knees, pleasing me...only me...me pushing your head forward to keep you there...forcing you to make me come...to make you swallow...to penetrate you deeper...the sweetest warmth and wetness...yes, like this, exactly like this...this was my dream...oh, Carrie, don't stop...don't stop...I know, it's too fast, but I'm almost there...coming in your mouth, making you swallow my seed...yeah, like this, exactly like this...so fucking warm and wet...fucking your mouth like I would fuck your pussy...only that it's me who's gonna come apart, who's gonna scream...you own me, you know that, I am at your mercy, wax under your touch...I can't stop this now, not anymore...I saw myself forcing you to do this...and I saw myself begging you for this...at least a thousend times...hundreds of nights in the desert...yes, like this...faster, deeper, faster...please, please, your teeth...yes, like this, yes...oh...Carrie...there...now...Carrie...

[silence, except of heavy breathing]

*Come here. I want to hold you. I want to feel your skin. I need to touch you.

-Wait, let me get rid of my pants first.

*Your blouse too. If this night is all we ever have, I need to see and touch you, all of you. Please.

-Then you get off your shirt too.

*You are so fucking beautiful. And now come here.

-Is that ok with your leg?

*It is. And if not...I couldn't care less. 

[silence]

Dear Reader, I won't say much. But, golden rule, of storytelling when it comes to airplane sex: You can't prolong airplane sex. And, you don't go fully naked when sex happens, in an airplane bathroom. Only...those two don't seem to know. Because, they are fully naked, now, and she is sitting on his lap, straddling him, her head against his chest, and his arms go around her back and he holds her tight, very tight. Time doesn't seem to matter, to these two, in hour six of their flight. But, as Quinn said, if this night is all they'll ever have...

*Carrie?

-Uhm?

*I want to apologize.

-Quinn, I wanted this.

*No, not that. I won't apologize for this. It was...incredible...But what I said earlier, when we spoke about if there was someone? That was mean and I'm sorry. I don't want to be that kind of man. I'm sorry.

-I know. Let's not talk about it, now. Let's just be here, be together and...

*Again?

-Again. If you want...

*Are you kidding...stay here on my lap and I'll show you what I want...do you feel this...you do that to me...you...I'll have you now and will make you mine, press you down on my cock and make you ride me...come here...like this...

-Quinn...uuh...

*What is it, did I hurt you? I'm sorry, I...

-No, it's ok...just be...careful...it's been, uhm, a while.

*A while?

-Quite a while. I...

*Don't look away. Look at me. Carrie, even worse what I said earlier. I am sorry, I had no right...And I wished this wouldn't happen here, but in a bed, with soft sheets...and more time...and everything...you deserve something better than this. I am so sorry. We shouldn't...but..I want you so badly...but I'll stop if you don't want this...

-No, this is right, now and here.

*I'll be gentle now...I'll hold you...like this...we can take our time...is this better?

-Yes...actually much better...uhm...much better...

*See, I'll be gentle now, you set the pace...aaw...Carrie...I'll just lower you slowly...oh my God...

-It's ok now...actually more than ok...your hand...here...yes...please...like this...yeah...harder now...it's fine now...

*Oh God, Carrie...I am so sorry...I'll be gentle, I promise...but...

-No need to be gentle...I want this...Quinn...more...please...

*I know...that's what you like, uhm? My thumb rubbing your clit, my cock filling you...tell me, is it that, what you like? Cause I'm not done with you yet...

-Quinn...

*I said, is it that what you like?!

-Yes, that's what I like. Don't stop. Quinn, please don't stop. I always wondered how it would be...if you take me...fuck me...as deep as possible...and your hands caress me...my breasts...my nipples...

*Now you know. God, Carrie, you feel incredible...so tight...so wet...look at me...it's me who is doing that...see me...this is how I always wanted to fuck you and possess you...you're speared on my cock...you are mine...uhm Carrie...this is so...you feel so unbelievably hot...so soft...so tight...

-Quinn...faster now...faster...aaaw...yes, this is it...deeper...own me...fill me...make me yours...

*Come with me, Carrie...come for me...I want your pussy to squeeze my cock...I want to hear you because I make you come...Carrie, I'm almost there...I...can't stop...this...aaaw...

-Your fingers...Quinn...your fingers...more pressure...yes, yes...now...Quinn...now...Quinn...

[silence, except very heavy breathing]

*Oh Carrie...this was...

-Yeah, it was...Don't pull out, not yet...stay with me...just a bit longer...

*Whatever you need, whatever you want...I...

-What? What were you going to say?

*I'd like to kiss you. May I?

-I'd like that...

*You are freezing. This shouldn't have happened here.

-But I still want that kiss.

*And I won't forget it. But let's get dressed and go back. Lay down with me and let me hold you and kiss you then. You deserve so much more than this, here.

[...]

*Come here. God, you are so small, I always forget how small you are. Hey, I won't run away, no need to restrain me...uhm, yeah, kisses...

Dear Reader, we are back in row 1 and I guess you get the setting. They have about two hours left before estimated arrival time. But right now, passionate love making led to passionate kisses (interesting reverse order, by the way) and that changes now to very tender kisses, and he cradles her in his arms and she is wrapped around him and he holds on to her like dear life. I hope they don't forget to breathe.

*Let's sleep a bit. We both need some rest. 

-Is it very sappy and cliché, if I say I like to fall asleep in your arms, after we just had sex?

*Probably. But I like it. I like you saying this.

[One hour later.]

*Carrie...Carrie...hey...time to wake up...we'll be landing shortly. Flight attendant will be here any minute and open the window blinds.


	4. A Word From The Narrator

Dear Reader, so far so good. They used there time, they really did. But, soon they'll re-enter real world, probably in the harshest way possible with Dar being the destroyer of the pleasure. Poor Quinn, from Carrie's arms right into Dar's chamber of mental torture. What's gonna happen next? Was one night enough to alter the path of their destiny? Or has the die been cast long ago? I'm a generous narrator today, I'll let you choose, because with those two...you never know what happens next.

There are three endings, if you believe some important ground has been covered but nothing is settled yet, choose A. If you believe in a fairytale ending, because all-zen Carrie goes all in, choose B. If you believe in the irrevocable path of destiny, like 'time and tide waits for no-one', (or are in the mood for sadness for any other reason), choose option C.

If you just are craving for more C/Q, read them all, but then start with C, go to A then and finish with B - just saying...


	5. Chapter 3, Ending A - The Hopeful One

-Oh, so soon...uhm, I wish, we could sleep longer...or just lay here...do I look very messy?

*No, you look beautiful. Carrie...before you get up...

-Uhm?

*Remember? Truth and everything?

-Yeah?

*What's gonna happen? Next?

-I...what do you think?

*Dar will pick me up or send someone. Probably right here, in the plane, latest at the gangway. And then it's debrief, might take some time, given how long I've been gone and the intel I gathered. And I guess, I should pay Walter Reed a visit to deal with my little problem.

-Quinn, you are avoiding.

*What I am trying to say is - Do you think, when all of this is done, can we meet and talk? Cause I'd really like that.

-Yeah, me too.

*Maybe we meet in a park or a restaurant or somewhere...

-Somewhere public?

*Yeah. Because I really think we should talk.

-Probably we should. I'll wait for your call.

*You're not going to Missouri this time?

-No, as long as you don't fly to Syria.

*Okay then. I'll call you when I'm at Walter Reed.

-Okay then. I'll get up now.

*I guess you have too. But I'll call, every day, as long as I am there. And when I'm done at Walter Reed we talk.

-I'll get up now. I really have to...But I'll wait for your call. And I'll come and see you at the hospital.


	6. Chapter 3, Ending B - The One Which Makes Us Happy

-Oh, already? 

*Yeah, couple of minutes and then descent starts.

-Quinn, before I get up...what's gonna happen now? 

*Dar will pick me up or send someone. I guess, they'll wait for me at the gangway and I'd rather Dar not seeing you.

-I don't wanna see him either. Remember truth and everything?

*Yeah?

-So I'm just gonna say it. If you are done with whatever you have to do with Dar, do you think we could meet and talk?

*Talk about what?

-About us.

*And?

-I don't know. Maybe try again. Getting out. Because I am out. That leaves you. But if you want...we could maybe try Germany together...

*You would want that? 

-I thought I've been proving this tonight. Or what was it for you?

* Carrie, no, no tears, please. I didn't want to hurt you, I...I just need to be sure. I need to hear you say it...that you want me...in you life...

-Of course, I want you, dumbass. Took me a while to realize...but...yes, I want you.

*So, if I tell Dar, I quit...

-...you wouldn't be alone...we go to Germany...start there, a new chapter...

*Good, I'll quit.

-Just like that?

*No, not just like that. Years too late. And it's no picnic, I know. And I'll need you. But I'm not going to make the same mistake again. If you promise to be there, I'm out.

-Promise made. And now I really have to get up.

*Yeah, you have to.

-Are you still drugged up?

*Kind of...

-Good. So I'll just say it and pretend it only happened in your fantasy...I love you.


	7. Chapter 3, Ending C - The One Which Gives Closure

-Oh, so soon? That was quick. So...

*So...

-This is goodbye, is it?

*It is.

-Quinn...I wish...but...I can't...it's too late

*I know...but meeting you again...being with you...that was a gift...I won't forget that, never. There won't be single day without me being grateful for what we had tonight.

-I know. Me too. But Quinn...no letter...please...I couldn't stand that. I can't read the words of a dead man. Let this be the last words I hear from you. Make them count.

*I loved you. You were the only one.

-I loved you too.

*Good bye, Carrie.

-Good bye, Quinn.


	8. The Ending With The Unbearable Sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what the title says...sad...

Dear Reader, Quinn had developed the very unhealthy habit of just swallowing his morphine, not that morphine is healthy at the best of times, but now, as Carrie injected it, it works much faster and stronger, so it is not really a surprise to Carrie when his speech becomes slightly slurred and he looks increasingly dizzy. Carrie is still kneeling next to him and has a worried look on her face. We don't know this version of Carrie yet, probably more than two years of active and devoted, yes, your eyes are just fine, I said devoted, parenting made her much softer and brought out her caring nature. She has learnt how to take care of someone who needs her. So they both see a side of the other one they didn't knew yet: Carrie sees a weak Quinn, whereas he sees a benign, soft Carrie. 

*What'swrong...why'reyou...

-I am just laying down next to you.

*Why's thsssat?

-Because your shallow breathing worries me. Respiratory depression is a common side effect under morphine, and I think you just had a bit too much. Fucking great, in a plane. 

*'m fne.

-Yeah, you're fine, I see that. And the sun rises in the west. And earth is a disk. I'll just lay here and make sure you don't forget to breathe. And that I won't ruin my knees, I'm no twenty anymore.

*Mmmmh...I...

-And you're cold. You're shivering. Fuck. Not good. Come here, here is a blanket. There you go. 

*Carrie...whyreyoudoingthis?

-Doing what we learnt. Year one, what am I saying, probably week 1, day 1 field medic training? Share body heat, keep warm, and check breathing rate?

*No.

-Yes. You can't possibly want me to report the flight attendant a drugged up passenger with medical problems after an high dose of morphine. So you're stuck with me. And I got this. You don't need to worry, just don't forget to breathe. All we have to make sure is one deep breath every ten seconds, that's not too hard.

*pheew

-See, just one every ten seconds, you can do this. Now another one...fine...no, you are not floating and you need to breathe...one more...see...not too difficult, isn't it? And again...pheeew....good...see...you can do this...just don't forget to breathe...and one more...pheeew...okay, let's keep doing this for a couple of minutes...pheeew...

[Some minutes later...]

-Good, much better. Oh, I see, tired now...it's ok to drift off, your breathing should be fine now.

*Nno, I...won't...I can't...

-Yes, you will and you can. Stop being so difficult. I'll be right here, checking on you.

*Thissnothow...

-No, it's not. But it is ok. It's ok to drift off now, no need to be on high alert here. Stop fighting it, just sleep. And don't fucking forget to breathe. There, see, better...yeah, I know, fucking cold, uhm? Morphine is a false friend...what the hell were you thinking...come here...yeah, I got you, it's okay...stop fighting it, you can sleep here...just a bit...I'll keep you safe...

*Justabit, justafewminutes...

-Yeah, just a few minutes...it's okay, as long as you need...

Dear Reader, see, we really see a new side of Carrie. And we see a new chapter of Carrie and Quinn together, strange, indeed. Quinn dozed off but snuggled himself closer to her, his head resting at her shoulder, his face close to her neck. She still holds his hand, her other arm rests lightly at his shoulder, softly shaking him every now and then when his breathing gets to shallow. She checks is pulse regularly and when he is deep asleep, she let's her fingers run through his hair, just once, it's a very tender gesture. New Carrie is not afraid of closeness anymore, she is a woman with firm ground under her feet, not scared or insecure anymore. And, she's stable on her meds for nearly three years now, drinking alcohol only every now and then just for the taste, not to wash pills down or other unhealthy reasons. She probably could just get up now and maybe he wouldn't even notice but she stays. I'd pay quite some money to get a glimpse into her thoughts right now...

He sleeps for about two hours.

*What the fuck? Carrie...oh my God, this is embarrassing...I'm...

-Don't be sorry. It's okay. We all have been there. One way or another. 

*Why did you help me?

-Jesus, Quinn, of course I did help you. Why wouldn't I? And stop being so hostile, doesn't work after collapsing in my arms.

*Aren't you, I don't know, angry?

-No. I'm not. And even if I were, I would not let you suffocate because you get your morphine dose wrong. But I'm not angry. Not anymore.

*So you were angry?

-Amongst other emotions, I might have been angry as well.

*I fucked it up, uhm?

-We both did. But not giving me a single sign within more than two years, that was indeed fucked up. I thought, we were friends, at the very least. 

*I thought, you were better without me.

-Maybe I was. But still, not knowing where you are, why you left, if you are still alive...I wanted closure. After my grief, I at least wanted closure.

*I convinced myself you'd eventually forget about me.

-Did you forget about me?

*Not really.

-See. I didn't forget about you. Not just because of how and when you left. But because of all what we've been through together. How could I ever forget?

*Uhm...

-You once shot me. I carry your scar, until I die. You forgot that?

*Carrie...no...

Dear Reader, remember she still lies next to him. They are having this conversation with very low voices while holding each other in their arms. Carrie could probably just get up and over to her seat but who knows? Maybe the magic would be broken then, maybe this is the only way they can finally talk, open and honestly, just here, this one night, neither here nor there, inbetween timezones and destinations.

-Now again: Why did you leave and why did you never call, never come back?

*Second part of the question: I got delayed, I was...stuck...somewhere. Took me a while...

-And before you were "stuck"?

*Many reasons or no reason at all. Listen, I never should have asked you what I asked that night. I know now how wrong that was. And I am sorry for it.

-Night of truth telling. Why did you ask? And why was it wrong? Because for quite some time it felt right for me, two years ago. And it surely didn't feel like you were pretending, that night.

*I wanted it to be right. I really wanted it. And I actually convinced myself enough to believe in doing the right thing, asking you. Please don't think it was a play or a lie.

-What was it then?

*A desperate man trying to hide from his fate. Following a false glimmer. Allowing myself to hope.

-And when I didn't say yes on the spot, you sent yourself back to war in less than 36 hours? Did it ever occur to you what guilt you put on me? 

*No, it's not like that. None of this was your fault. I gave in to an urge when I shouldn't have. I thought it could work. But, a day later, in the light of the day, when I met Rob and you were in Missouri...I understood it wouldn't work.

-Because I was in Missouri?

*No, because I am who I am. 

-That is?

*A soldier. An assassin. A bringer of destruction. Addicted to what I do, as much as I hate it. What I suggested you, was for normal people, not for people like me. I know that now. 

-So you'll go on, until...

*Until I'm done, yeah. Someone has to, I guess.

-You could still stop. Still get out. Find a new life. I did that. It's hard. There were times when I thought I couldn't. But I got out.

*What makes me very happy for you.

-Leaves you.

*I'm in for a lifetime. I know that now. I was doomed long before we met. This is not about you, Carrie, this is about me. Only me. Nothing you did or did not or could have done... had or has an influence here. Don't put that on you.

-Quinn, I spent nearly two years in trying to cope with my guilt, not helping you when you needed me.

*No, Carrie, I was bound to my fate before we met. And the final nail in my coffin was killing that child in Venezuela.

-But you said earlier I never saw you and you needed a strong yes.

*Well, it's always easier to blame someone else...but you started the truth telling...

Dear Reader, I don't know...I really don't know which version is the truth. Just a thought: Maybe he was truthful in the beginning, when he said, he needed a yes and was either her or going back to war, and is now trying to safe her from being with him. Or he lied in the beginning...as he said, it is always easier to blame someone else and lash out...I have no idea.

-It's hard to accept. Knowing how much it takes from you and you still go back, again and again.

*It's the decision I made. Actually, it took me a while to realize, but I made it long before we even met. You can't do what I'm doing and expecting to return to a normal life as reward in the end.

-But you could stop. You always did it for a reason, the right reason. Someone has to, you just said yourself. So it could be someone else's turn now.

*Wouldn't change a thing. Darkness has me. There was always something pulling me back to darkness. And after I gave in, it became easier. And as long as I don't meet you and have to justify myself, I'm doing ok. Hey, no tears...no...this is not your fault...

-I can't...

*Sssch...stop crying...I am ok...I really am...and I want you to be happy...safe and happy...you go to Germany and start over new...and it's gonna be good...and you stop thinking about me and stop looking for me cause you know now I'm ok...just doing what I always did...and not being such a fool thinking there could be something else for me...and it will be even easier now because I know you are okay...with Frannie...happy and safe...

-But...

*No, no 'but'. This is just what it is. And I won't allow you or myself to let you come close to that darkness. When I leave this plane in a few hours, please let me know you are safe and will stay safe. That's more I ever could ask for. That I didn't take you down with me, that you find a way.

-And I? I won't get that feeling, I won't know you are safe.

*People like me can't be safe. That's not where I belong. But know I came to terms with it, I am fine. And every now and then my mind will wander back to you, picturing you and Frannie, maybe riding a bike or going for a swim, living a new life, and then I'll be happy. Because it needs people like me to keep evil forces at bay, to protect that kind of life. You know that. That's my purpose. Allow me to know you're safe and happy. Please.

-I don't know how I am supposed to do this. I can't just forget about you and never know whether you live or died.

*You don't have to forget about me. Just...I won't come back...you need to understand that. Think about me...maybe as a small light somewhere out there, a beacon. And don't stop to live and love life. I want you to live. To love. And be loved. 

-So this is closure? This is the last time I see you or hear from you?

*It is. 

-Will I know when you died?

*I'd prefer not to but if you want that, I'll make sure someone will come and tell you.

-Yes, please.

*But it won't change a thing.

-Not for you. But for me. I'll know you're out then and found peace.

*So I don't have to re-enter as tree or cockroach, according to your very own version of buddhism?

-I like the idea of getting a second chance. But I guess, if you don't want that, you can skip it.

*I don't know. I always thought of it as "finally being done" and didn't take it any further. Do you take any solace from the thought, I don't know, let's say, your father still being around?

-I do. I really and honestly do. But you know, you just said me what you'll gonna be.

*Did I?

-A light.

*I thought it has to be living matter.

-Nah, I'm not that strict. I'd like that, a ray of light. I really like that. 

[long silence]

*Carrie? Stop crying...it's okay now...don't you cry...it's time to sleep a bit...Frannie will want a well rested mum...sleep a bit, I'll hold you...

-I won't forget you, you know that, do you?

*I know. And now sleep a bit.

[a few hours later]

*Hey...hey...Carrie...time to get up...we'll be landing shortly.

-Oh...I...so this is goodbye?

*It is.

Dear Reader, Carrie closes her eyes again, sighs, opens them and then wiggles closer and kisses Quinn. It's a proper kiss, not shy, not hesitant, but long, lingering, deep and tender and he answers it in the same way. When they part, his hand cups her cheek and she kisses that as well, her last touch, before she moves away.

It's farewell.

Then she sits up, straightens her clothes, runs her fingers through her hair and finally gets up.

-Good bye Quinn.

*Good bye Carrie.

Twenty minutes later, he is the first to leave the plane, without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whether you are near to me or far away  
> there shall be no life nor any living thing in my heart  
> but Tristan, my self and my life.
> 
> Now come and kiss me.  
> Tristan and Isolde, you and I,  
> we two are both one inseperable thing forever.  
> This kiss will be a seal,  
> confirming that we shall remain  
> each other's constantly until death,  
> I yours and you mine.
> 
> (Gottfried von Strassburg, Tristan and Iseult - one of the most beautiful examples of love as a discourse of interiority and sentimental remembrance...even with the loved one's absence...)


End file.
